He’s everywhere at all times, yeah yeah, but let’s face facts: it’s not easy getting an audience with our creator. So imagine our shock when Mr. Deity - omnipotent father of Jesus and creator of the biweekly web series that gives us mortals an inside look at the goings on upstairs - agreed to answer a few of our questions. Thanks, benevolent creator!

Crackle: Describe your childhood.

Mr. Deity: Being a childhood deity was tough. People expect so much from you. They’re always looking for favors. And you never know who your true friends are. Plus, you have to worry about your parents squandering your hard-earned income. Zeus’ parents used some of his money to have an above-ground pool put in.

But for me, the toughest part was the hair. Going prematurely gray when I was 18 months old made things difficult. My teachers were already intimidated by the whole “deity” thing. So, when my gloriously thick head of white hair was added to the mix, it was an heuristic nightmare, my friend.

Crackle: Walk us through a typical day in the life of Mr. Deity.

Mr. Deity: It’s just one damned thing after the other. If it’s not people killing each other, or stealing each other’s property, it’s the wifi chuggin’ along at 97kbps while I’m trying to watch “Penn Says,” [ed: he's a shoutout Deity] or trying to get some decent cell service on this damned iPhone. Curse you, AT&T!!!!

Crackle: Why Mr. Deity? Did you never feel like going for the doctorate?

Mr. Deity: School was no fun for me. [Again], it was the hair.

Crackle: Like it or not, you’re a Christian Deity. Do you enjoy good relations with other Deities—Hindu, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc.?

Mr. Deity: I get along well with almost all other deities. There was a problem early on with the Greek gods, who tried to form a union and push me out (which is why you don’t hear from them anymore), but for the most part we’re all really good friends. I particularly enjoy the company of the Buddha. You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he’s a really good dancer. He’s also the king of the pie-eating contest (that, you could probably figure out by looking at him).

Crackle: How do you compensate Larry?

Mr. Deity: I compensate Larry with fish. He can swallow them whole if they’re not too big. It’s freaky.

Crackle: We never see you during your downtime. How do you relax?

Mr. Deity: I enjoy video games - God of War, in particular. (SIDEBAR: My dog is named “Aries”, who is the god of what…? That’s right, office supplies.) I’m looking forward to the new Metal Gear Solid, and I’m hoping I can get my hands on a PS3 soon. I wanted one for Christmas, but apparently no one up here knows how to take a hint.

Below: Mr. Deity and the Help Meet (Season 2, Episode 9)

Crackle: Worshipping false idols or taking your name in vain—which gets your goat more?

Mr. Deity: I don’t really have a problem with idols. That was another big misunderstanding involving my hatred and contempt of “American Idol.” I mean, seriously, how do you get rid of Sanjaya?

The “taking my name in vain” thing really does bother me though — not saying “God Dammit” and stuff like that, but doing evil in my name (which is what the commandment is really about). And I’ll tell you this right now, anyone who voted against Sanjaya, and did so in my name, is gonna have a painful stretch with Lucy down in the catheter room.

Crackle: What’s the most accurate portrayal of your behavior, Milton’s God in Paradise Lost, Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty, or Alanis Morissette in Dogma?

Mr. Deity: I would love to tell you which one I liked best, but it wouldn’t be right for me to play favorites. So, this really is a jagged little pill for me to swallow. It’s ironic too, because you oughta know. But I think that I would be good, if I just kept my hands clean on this one. I don’t mean to flinch, and it probably seems crazy to you - I hate to appear spineless. But I’m old enough to know that, you live and you learn. But thank you for everything. I hope you’ll still see me as a sympathetic character.

Crackle: Who does a better job playing your son, Willem Defoe in The Last Temptation of Christ or Jim Caviezel in The Passion of the Christ?

Mr. Deity: Graham Chapman — who’s right here with me, by the way. Say “hi” Graham. Okay, Graham says, “hi.” He wants you to tell Cleese and the boys that he thought the “ashes/urn” gag was an hysterical bit.

Crackle: What’s the truer stereotype, a vengeful God or a merciful God? Does it depend on the day?

Mr. Deity: Neither. I refuse to be pigeon-holed (not that I don’t enjoy a good pigeon-holing from time-to-time - especially if the mood is right and I’ve had a few). I am merciful to those who deserve mercy and vengeful to those who deserve vengeance. You’ll want to make sure you’re on the right side of that one. And remember, beware of people who are merciful to those who deserve vengeance. For they will be vengeful when mercy is required. Hey, look at that! I waxed poetic in the end. Wasn’t that a nice little piece of wisdom in all of this so-called chaos?

Watch Mr. Deity in action on Crackle, and make sure to tune into the Season 2 finale on Saturday, March 8, also on Crackle.